Fortress Fortress Literature Club
by JoesAlot
Summary: Aye, it's Demoman here! Welcome to the literature club! Now that yer a member, yeh can help grow this club into the most rowdy club in the entire map! Every match is filled with action and fun activities with me most dangerous club members, Medic, Scout, Spy, and of course, me, Demo! I can already tell yer a sweet laddie though, will yeh promise to spend the most time with me?


**? ? ?:** "Heeeeeeeyyy!"

I see an annoying maggot running towards me in the distance, waving his arms in the air like he's totally oblivious to any sniper dots he might draw to himself.

That merc is Medic, my pocket and good friend since we were newbies.

You know, the kind of comrade you'd never see yourself making today, but it just kind of works out because you've known each other for so long?

We used to walk to the point together on matches like this, but starting around the 2fort mission he would sleep in more and more frequently, and I would get tired of waiting up.

But if he's going to chase after me like this, I almost feel better off running away.

However, I just groan and idle in front of the spawn and let Medic catch up to me.

 **Medic:** "Haaahhh... haaahhh..."

 **Medic:** "I forgot the round had started!"

 **Medic:** "But I caught you this time!"

 **Soldier:** "Maybe, but only because I decided to stop and wait for you, maggot!"

 **Medic:** "Eeehhhhh? You say this like you were thinking of leaving me pocketless!"

 **Medic:** "That is mean, Soldier!"

 **Soldier:** "Well, if people stare at you for making so much noise, I might be accused of conspiring with _nazis_!"

Medic rolls his eyes playfully.

 **Medic:** "Fine, fine."

 **Medic:** "But you did wait for me, after all."

 **Medic:** "I guess you can't be toxic even if you wanted to~"

 **Soldier:** "Whatever you say, Medic..."

 **Medic:** "Ehehe~"

We push the chokepoint together and make our way to the point.

As we draw near, the flank routes become increasingly speckled with overextending players.

 **Medic:** "By the way, Soldier..."

 **Medic:** "Have you decided on a club to join yet?"

 **Soldier:** "A club?"

 **Soldier:** "I told you, maggot, I will not join any of your stuupid clubs!"

 **Soldier:** "They are un-American and are only for commies!"

 **Soldier:** "... What's a club?"

 **Medic:** "It is like a team, like RED or BLU, except they do not fight."

 **Soldier:** "Do not fight? What kind of crap-ass team is that?!"

 **Medic:** "It is very fun once you join, plus, you have told me zat you would join one earlier!"

 **Soldier:** "Did I...?"

I don't remember, but it's possible I did... sometimes when Medic goes on and on in some weird fancy talk I just nod and say yes to anything he says.

Medic likes to make all these weird plans, when I'm perfectly fine just shooting rockets at anything that moves.

 **Medic:** "Ja!"

 **Medic:** "I was talking about how I am worried that you won't learn how to communicate in a team or have any knowledge of how to read."

 **Soldier:** "How to what now?"

 **Medic:** "Your happiness is really important to me, you know!"

 **Medic:** "And I know you are happy now, but I would not like the thought of you becoming a friendly in a few years because you're not used to ze real game!"

 **Medic:** "You trust me, yes?"

 **Medic:** "Don't make me keep worrying about you..."

 **Soldier:** "Alright, alright..."

 **Soldier:** "I'll take a look at some of your maggot clubs if it'll make you happy."

 **Soldier:** "But I will not like it!"

 **Medic:** "Will you promise that you will at least try?"

 **Soldier:** "Yeah yeah..."

 **Medic:** "Excellent~!"

Why do I let myself get lectured by such a care-free merc?

More than that, I'm surprised I even let myself cave in to him.

I guess seeing him worry so much about me makes me want to make him feel better, even if it's only in his head.

The match is as ordinary as ever, and it's over before I know it.

After I reload my weapons, I stare blankly at the spawndoor, looking for an ounce of motivation.

 **Soldier:** "Clubs..."

Medic wanted me to join a club...

Is there a fighting club? If there was anything I wanted to join if would be a fighting club...

 **Medic:** "Hello Fräulein!"

 **Soldier:** "Medic...?"

Medic must have come into the spawnroom while I was AFK.

I look around and realize that I'm the only one left in the room.

 **Medic:** "I was thinking I would see you come out of the spawnroom, but I saw you just sitting here and spacing out, so I came in."

 **Medic:** "Honestly, you are even worse than me sometimes... I am very impressed!"

 **Soldier:** "Don't you have your own maggot club to go to?"

 **Medic:** "Well, I thought you might need some encouragement, so I thought, you know..."

 **Soldier:** "What?"

 **Medic:** "Well, that you could come to my club!"

 **Soldier:** "Medic..."

 **Medic:** "Ja?"

 **Soldier:** "...There is no way I am going to your dumb club!"

 **Medic:** "Eeeehhhhh?! Schweinhund!..."

Medic is vice president of some Literature Club.

Not that I ever knew Medic was literate.

In fact, I'm 99% sure he only did it because he thought it would be fun to shoot people outside of battle.

Since he was the first one to show interest after the one who proposed the club, he got the title "Vice President"."

That said, books are dumb and Medic should feel dumb for thinking that I don't think they're dumb.

 **Soldier:** "Yeah. I'm going to the fight club. If they have it."

 **Medic:** "Come on, please?"

 **Soldier:** "Why do you care so much, anyway?"

 **Medic:** "Well..."

 **Medic:** "I told the club yesterday I would bring in a new member..."

 **Medic:** "And Scout made sandviches and everything..."

 **Medic:** "Ehehe..."

 **Soldier:** "Eurgh! What have I told you about promises you cannot keep!"

I cannot tell if Medic is just dumber than a box of rocks or if he is a conniving mastermind.

I sigh, long and drawn out.

 **Soldier:** "Fine... but only because you would be dispatched on the spot if you were to disappoint your club!"

 **Medic:** "Delightful! Mach schnell~!"

And so, today marks the day I sold my soul for my friend's honor.

I dejectedly follow Medic across the map and into the Teufort intel room - a section of the base I rarely visit, being generally used for staff meetings and club activities.

Medic, full of energy, types the code into the door (which is just 1-1-1-1) and swings it open.

 **Medic:** "Hellooo everyone! The new member is here~!"

 **Soldier:** "Huh? I did not agree to being called 'new member-'"

Eh? I glance around the room.

 **Merc 1:** "Welcome to the Literature Club. It is a pleasure meeting you."

 **Merc 1:** "Medic always tells frightening stories about you."

 **Merc 2:** "Seriously? You brought a solly?"

 **Merc 2:** "Way to kill the atmosphere, doichebag!"

 **Merc 3:** "Eugh.. aaeraugh think you'rre better than mee... "

 **Merc 3:** "Ach! Soldier, welcome to our club!"

 **Soldier:** "..."

All words escape me in this situation.

This club...

 _...is full of incredibly dangerous mercenaries!_

 **Merc 2:** "What are you looking at?"

 **Merc 2:** "If you want to say something, say it, ya frickin' wuss."

 **Soldier:** "U-uh..."

 **Merc 1:** "Scout..."

 **Scout:** "Augh..."

The merc who's acting like a kid, whose name is apparently Scout, is one I don't recognize from the battlefield.

His tiny form makes me think he's just a kid.

He is also the one who made sandwiches, according to Medic.

 **Medic:** "You can just ignore him when he gets moody~"

Medic says that quietly into my ear, then turns back toward the other mercs.

 **Medic:** "Anyway! This is Scout, always full of energy."

 **Medic:** "And this is Spy, the most dangerous in the club!"

 **Spy:** "Ahem... Don't say things like that."

Spy, who appears comparably more mature and composed, seems to have a hard time putting up with people like Medic and Scout.

 **Soldier:** "I am honored to greet each and every one of you."

 **Medic:** "And it sounds like you already know Demo, is that right?"

 **Demo:** "Yeah!"

 **Demo:** "It's great to be seeing you laddie!"

Demo grins widely.

We do know each other - I remember taking Explosives 101 with him.

Demo was probably the most exceptional of his class- predictive, destructive, explosive.

Basically, completely out of my league.

So, having him treat me like an equal was...

 **Soldier:** "Sir yes sir! It is an honor to see you Demo!"

 **Medic:** "Come sit down, Soldier! We made room for you at the table, so you can sit next to me or Demo."

 **Medic:** "I'll get the sandviches~"

 **Scout:** "Hey, Einstein! I made them, I'll get them!"

 **Medic:** "Sorry, sorry, I got a little too excited~"

 **Spy:** "Then, how about I get some smokes as well?"

The mercs have a few crates arranged to form a table.

As Medic mentioned, it's been widened so that there is one space next to Demo and one space next to Medic.

Scout and Spy walk over to the corner of the room, where Scout grabs a wrapped tray and Spy opens the resupply cabinet.

Still feeling awkward, I take a seat next to Medic.

Scout proudly marches back to the table, tray in hand.

 **Scout:** "Aww yeah, are you ready?"

 **Scout:** "...Ta-daa!"

 **Medic:** "Woah, amazing, kamerad!"

Scout lifts the foil off the tray to reveal a dozen white, triangular sandwiches.

 **Medic:** "Ahahaha, amazing~!"

 **Demo:** "Aye! I dinnae know that you were such a great cook, Scout!"

 **Scout:** "Ehehe.. The BLU Heavy didn't know as well...!"

 **Scout:** "Ju- just hurry and take one!"

Medic grabs one first, then Demo. I follow.

 **Medic:** "Vanderful!"

Medic talks with his mouth full and has already managed to get crumbs on his face.

I turn the sandwich around in my fingers. What kind of meat is this...?

Scout is quiet.

I can't help but notice him sneaking glances in my direction.

Is he waiting for me to take a bite?

I finally bite down.

The sandwich is crisp and crunchy - did Scout make this himself?

 **Soldier:** "This is what God would use to feed somebody."

 **Soldier:** "Thanks, Scout!"

 **Scout:** "W-Why are you thanking me? It's not like I...!"

 **Scout:** "...made them to impress you or anything."

 **Soldier:** "But I thought Medic said-"

 **Scout:** "Well, maybe!"

 **Scout:** "But not for, y-you know, you! Dumbass..."

 **Soldier:** "I... I do not understand."

I give up on Scout's baby talk and dismiss the conversation.

Spy returns to the table, carrying a cigarette case.

He carefully places a cigar in front of each of us before setting down the case next to the sandwich tray.

 **Soldier:** "You keep cigarettes in this room? Do you know what that does to your lungs soldier?"

 **Spy:** "Soldier, please, do not worry."

 **Spy:** "After all, I think lung cancer is the least of your concern on the battlefield."

 **Spy:** "And, a nice smoke help ease the nerves, as well as when reading a book, does it not?"

 **Soldier:** "Hmph, it is not American..."

 **Demo:** "Ehehe, don't let yourself get flustered, Spy's just trying to intimidate you."

 **Spy:** "Eh?! That is not..."

Offended, Spy looks away.

 **Spy:** "I do not pose empty bluffs..."

 **Soldier:** "I believe you."

 **Soldier:** "... Well, cigarettes may not be the American way, but I do enjoy a little cigar here and there."

 **Spy:** "Fantastic..."

Spy allows himself a grim smile.

Demo raises an eyebrow, then grins at me, arms posed forward in his seat.

 **Demo:** "So, what made you consider the Literature Club?"

 **Soldier:** "Um..."

 **Soldier:** "I have not joined any clubs before now, and Medic dragged me all the way over here..."

Scout and Spy stare at me in disbelief, while Medic continues smiling, albeit looking more strained.

Demo sits in silence before bursting into a throaty laugh.

 **Demo:** "That's okay! Books ain't your kinda thing eh?"

 **Demo:** "Don't worry, we'll make sure you feel right at home, okay laddy?"

 **Demo:** "As leader of the Literature Club, it's my job to make the club fun and exciting for everyone!"

 **Soldier:** "Demo, I am surprised."

 **Soldier:** "Why did you decide to start your own club?"

 **Soldier:** "You could be general of any of the other big clubs that you choose!"

 **Soldier:** "Weren't you a leader of the 6v6 club last year?"

 **Demo:** "Ehehe, well, y'know..."

 **Demo:** "To be honest, I cannot stand the competitive environment."

 **Demo:** "It feels so tense it makes me good eye ache in pain..."

 **Demo:** "I'd rather do summin' that excites me and makes me happy."

 **Demo:** "If it convinces other mercs to get into reading books n' crap, that'd be just nice!"

 **Medic:** "Demo really is a great leader!"

Spy also nods in agreement.

 **Soldier:** "Then I wonder why there's no other fresh meat in this club."

 **Soldier:** "It must be dull as dirt to make a new club."

 **Demo:** "You could put it that way."

 **Demo:** "Not many people are very interested in putting out all the effort to start something brand new..."

 **Demo:** "'Specially when it's something that isn't very exciting soundin', like literature."

 **Demo:** "You gotta make sure people think they'll have a blast at your club."

 **Demo:** "But it makes big events, like the Fortress Festival, that much more important."

 **Demo:** "I think we can make this club the best bloody place in Teufort!"

 **Demo:** "Right, everyone?"

 **Medic:** "Ja!"

 **Spy:** "We shall see."

 **Scout:** "You bet!"

Everyone enthusiastically agrees.

Such different mercs, all interested in the same goal...

Demo must have worked really hard just to find these three.

Maybe that's why they were all so delighted by the idea of a new merc joining.

I don't think I can keep up with their level of enthusiasm about the club, though...

 **Spy:** "So, Soldier, what kinds of things do you like to read?"

 **Soldier:** "Well... Ah..."

Considering how little books I've seen these past few years, and the fact that I literally cannot read, I don't really have a good way of answering that.

 **Soldier:** "... I cannot read..."

I mutter quietly to myself.

 **Spy:** "Not much of a reader, I guess..."

He says this with a heavy undertone of sarcasm.

 **Soldier:** "... Well, that can change..."

What am I saying?

I spoke without thinking after seeing Spy's disappointment.

 **Soldier:** "Anyway, what about you, Spy?"

 **Spy:** "Well, let us see..."

Spy idly taps the butt of his cigarrete.

 **Spy:** "My favorites are usually dramas that tell of bloodshed and treachery."

 **Spy:** "The level of betrayal and villainy that can be portrayed in a story truly fascinates me."

 **Spy:** "And the cunningness of the typical antagonists also does so equally."

Spy goes on about whatever he's saying, clearly passionate about his reading.

He seemed so reserved and sulky since the moment I walked in, but it's obvious by the way his eyes light up that he finds his comfort in books, or at least, the subject they lie in.

 **Spy:** "But you know, I like a lot of things."

 **Spy:** "Books with deep strategical elements usually immerse me as well."

 **Spy:** "Isn't it amazing how you can so deliberately take advantage of and completely control an opponent?"

 **Spy:** "Anyway, I've been reading a lot of war books lately..."

 **Soldier:** "Ah, I have seen a book before..."

I desperately grasp something I can relate to at the minimal level.

At this rate, Spy might as well be having a conversation with a dispenser.

 **Demo:** "Really? I wouldnta expected that from you, Spy."

 **Demo:** "For a lad who hides as much as you..."

 **Spy:** "I guess you could say that."

 **Spy:** "But if a book makes me think, or contemplate certain things, then I really can't put it down."

 **Spy:** "Strategy books really change the way you look at war, if only for a brief moment."

 **Scout:** "Ugh, I hate those crappy books..."

 **Spy:** "Oh? And why is that?"

 **Scout:** "Well, I just..."

Scout's eyes dart over to me for a split second.

 **Scout:** "Augh... Never mind."

 **Demo:** "Aye, that's right! You usually like simple things, like for wee children, don't you, Scout?"

 **Scout:** "W-What?"

 **Scout:** "What gives you that idea?"

 **Demo:** "You left a poem behind in the last club meeting."

 **Demo:** "It also looked like yeh were working on a poem called-"

 **Scout:** "Don't say it out loud!"

 **Scout:** "And give that back!"

 **Demo:** "Ah fine, you wee lass~"

 **Medic:** "Ehehe, your sandviches, your poems..."

 **Medic:** "Everything you do is just as small and kiddy as you are~"

Medic sidles up behind Scout and puts his hands on her shoulders.

 **Scout:** _"I'm not a kid! I am 23 years old and old enough to enlist!"_

 **Soldier:** "Scout, you write poems?"

 **Scout:** "Eh? Well, I guess sometimes."

 **Scout:** "Why do you care?"

 **Soldier:** "I think that's great."

 **Soldier:** "Just one thing."

 **Scout:** "W-what?"

Scout averts his eyes.

 **Soldier:** "What's a poem?"

 **Scout:** "What?! How do you- you don't know- you- "

Scout seems to be at a loss for words.

 **Scout:** "-You wouldn't like them even if you knew what they were..."

Scout glares in the opposite direction

 **Soldier:** "You do not think they are very good?"

 **Spy:** "I understand how Scout feels."

 **Spy:** "Sharing that level of writing takes more than just confidence."

 **Spy:** "The truest form of writing is writing to oneself."

 **Spy:** "You must be willing to open up to your readers, exposing your vulnerabilities and showing even the deepest reaches of your heart."

 **Demo:** "D'yeh have writing experience too, Spy?"

 **Demo:** "Maybe if you share some of your work, you can set an example and help Scout feel comfortable enough to share his."

 **Spy:** "..."

 **Soldier:** "I guess it's the same for Spy..."

 **Medic:** "Aww... I wanted to read everyone's poems..."

We all sit in silence for a moment.

 **Demo:** "Okay!"

 **Demo:** "I have an idea, everyone~"

 **Scout and Spy:** "...?"

Scout and Spy look confusedly at Demo.

 **Demo:** "Let's all go home and write our own little poems!"

 **Demo:** "Then, next time we meet, we'll all share 'em with each other."

 **Demo:** "That way, everyone is even!"

Everyone is even? Isn't that what commies do?

 **Scout:** "U-Um..."

 **Spy:** "..."

 **Medic:** "Yeaaah! Let us do it!"

 **Demo:** "Plus, now that we're havin' a new member, I think it'll help us become best friends, and strengthen the bond of the club."

 **Demo:** "Isn't that right, laddy?"

Demo grins at me once again.

 **Soldier:** "Hold on... there is still one problem."

 **Demo:** "Eh? What's that?"

Now that we're back to the original topic of me joining the club, I bluntly come forth with what's been on my mind the entire time.

 **Soldier:** "I did not agree to join this club!"

 **Soldier:** "Med has convinced me to come here, but I have never made any decision."

 **Soldier:** "I still have other clubs to look at, and... um..."

I lose my train of thought.

All four mercs stare back at me with dejected eyes.

 **Demo:** "Aye..."

 **Spy:** "Hm, but I thought..."

 **Scout:** "Hmph, moron..."

 **Medic:** "Soldier..."

 **Soldier:** "Y-You all..."

I...I'm defenseless against these maggots.

How am I supposed to make a levelheaded decision when it's like this?

That is, if writing poem whatsits is the price I need to pay in order to spend every day with these dangerous mercenaries...

 **Soldier:** "...Right."

 **Soldier:** "Okay, I have decided."

 **Soldier:** "I will join the Literature Club."

One by one, the mercs' eyes light up.

 **Medic:** "Hahaha! Oktoberfest~!"

Medic wraps his arms around me, jumping up and down.

 **Soldier:** "Hey-"

 **Spy:** "You did frighten me for a moment..."

 **Scout:** "If you really just came for the food, I would be super pissed."

 **Demo:** "Then that makes it official!"

 **Demo:** "Welcome to the Literature Club!"

 **Soldier:** "Ah... thanks, I guess."

 **Demo:** "Okay, everyone!"

 **Demo:** "I think with that, we can officially end today's meeting on a good note."

 **Demo:** "Everyone remember to do todays assignment:"

 **Demo:** "Write your poems, so we can all come and look at 'em!"

Demo looks over at me once more.

 **Demo:** "Soldier, I'm real bloody excited t' see how yer going to express yourself!"

 **Demo:** "Ehehe~"

 **Soldier:** "Y-Yes sir!"

Can I really impress the team MVP Demo with my quite literally nonexistent writing skills?

I already feel the anxiety welling up inside me.

Meanwhile, the mercs continue to banter as Spy and Scout clean up their food.

 **Medic:** "Soldier, since we are already here, do you want to walk home together?"

That's right - Medic and I never walk home together anymore because he always stayed after the match for clubs.

 **Soldier:** "Ok soldier!"

 **Medic:** "Excellent~!"

With that, the two of us depart the intel room and make our way home.

The whole way, my mind wanders back and forth between the four mercs:

 **Medic** ,

 **Scout** ,

 **Spy** ,

and, of course, **Demo**.

Will I really be happy spending every day after the match in a literature club?

Perhaps I'll have the chance to grow closer to one of these mercs...

Alright!

I'll just need to make the most of my circumstances, and I'm sure good fortune will find me.

And I guess that starts with writing a poem tonight.

... After I find out what a poem is.


End file.
